Well, I ordered Blood of Beasts off of Amazon, and I don't know why. A certain someone, who remains anonymous, planted the evil seed in my mind that made me want to watch epic sword and sorcery movies. Except, there aren't many epic sword and sorcery movies. There are a lot of epic sword and sorcery clones, however. Blood of Beasts managed to bore me within 42 seconds of the beginning of the film. I was immediately turned off by the opening sequence, which featured some of the worst text used for credits EVER. Which brings up another thought: I despise it when films have credits in the beginning. Everyone gets credit at the end dammit. Back on track, the film takes place in Viking times, except everyone looks like they're at a costume party in 1986. One of the reviews on Amazon said this movie has "nice swordplay." By nice, they meant it looked like two totally non-athletic people swing broomsticks at each other, whilst their lack of skill was masked by close up shots and quick cuts in an MTV-style puke fest. One of the main characters has an annoying braid thing on his forehead, that made me want to smash my own head in with a ball peen hammer. The dialogue was, what's the word? TERRIBLE. If I was involved with making this movie, I would try to distance myself from this movie as much as possible. Surprisingly (or not) there are many high reviews for this film on Amazon, which I can only assume means the makers/cast have written reviews, or there are more dumb people with Internet connections than I thought. I could see people who dress up for Renaissance fairs liking this, because it's almost as stupid.
I won't write any more about it, except that it's supposed to be a retelling of Beauty and the Beast, because A. That hasn't been done before and 2. It hasn't been done this badly before. Also, this movie is so bad it's not even on IMDB.
Side note - the cover is totally misleading, and makes this movie look potentially watchable.
**UPDATE! I found Blood of Beasts in the IMDB, under a different name. It has a 4.1/10 rating, which in my opnion is 4 points too many.
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